Somethings We Just Need to.....Accept

There is a evil monster that haunts our everyday life, and it's name is eczema. I am just going to say it, "I HATE ECZEMA".

Eczema patches on Autumn's legs and cheek. They photograph much better than they looked in person.

May 2012

 

To give you a little history of my struggle with this red rash beast we have to go back to January of 2012. Autumn was 4 months old and all of a sudden there it was. This rash has always bothered me more than Autumn. I took her to the doctor multiple times and the funny thing about rashes, it seems to be a guessing game mainly. Where did this come from? Why is it there? What did you change? I changed nothing. Well you had to be doing something different? No. Well now you will be, because we want you to test all sorts of different moisturizers on your child's skin. Some will burn her. Some will make it worse. Some will make it better. Some will make her skin like the texture of sand paper. But out of love, you have to experiment on your child. Wish we had a better answer. Thank you, now please pay your medical bill ;)

Eczema on the left cheek. Autumn hated baths for the longest time. I think they burned.

There are many times as a mother where I feel like " oh my gosh this is my fault I should have protected you better". But nothing and I mean nothing makes me feel more terrible than putting a lotion on my child that causes more harm than good. I feel like, I did that to you. But how is one to know what to use on their child. Every child is so different. Which makes the eczema beast so much more frustrating. Something that works for one family does not work for the other. Even doctors are confused about this one. Some say bath daily. Some say bath every other day. Some even suggest bleach baths?
Everyone has their own personal medical journey. Our bodies are our bodies. I have come to accept this fact of life. Autumn is just a rashy kid. I wish I could change it. I wish people didn't judge and think "there is more that they can do for that child". I do everything I can and somethings we just don't have the answer.
I have had a personal struggle with this recently. Thinking of myself. I get so paranoid about all the possibilities of things that can happen to you. Life is so unpredictable. Especially with your health. This was overwhelming my mind. I have mentioned this in a early blog, but I have not updated everyone with the fact that I was seriously freaking myself out over seasonal allergies, and Claritin was the answer. Something as simple as that, consumed my life for over a week and did not allow me to enjoy life. Therefore I spoke to the doctor and started anti anxiety medication. I was scared at first and felt weak. Weak that I could not push myself past this way of thinking. But we all need to accept help sometimes and I am happy to say that I am doing much better.

Autumn and I at lunch. May 2013

Just like I can not control or dwell on the health of my body. I can not control Autumn's body, and let a rash take over our day. I will continue to try and make it as comfortable and contained for her as humanly possible. But not everything has a simple answer. We are all built different. And sometimes those difference are not ideal. But it is time to accept and enjoy the day!  

How can that smile not help you enjoy your day?!