The five stages of grief are the emotional stages that one experiences when faced with death or extremely awful fate. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I always think of this episode of Robot Chicken I saw, where this giraffe is stuck in a tar pit. I somewhat relate to this giraffe. I am now in the stage of acceptance. I am happy to say.
I was reading my information from my doctor's office, a pamphlet "Understanding Radiation Therapy- A Guide for Patients and Families". The first sentence in this book is "You've been told you have cancer." Okay.....wait a minute.....I don't have cancer. But the reality of the situation is most people that undergo Radiation Therapy have cancer. The typical treatment plan for radiation is 3-6 weeks, 5 days a week. Mine is only 1 week, for 5 days in a row. All the information I am given about radiation all say things like "to prevent or stop cancer to spread", "lessen the chance the cancer may come back" At the end of day. Things could always be worse. Most of the people I am sitting with in the waiting room are facing cancer that if they don't stop, it is a life or death situation. My tumor is not going to kill me. It may damage my face, which is a HUGE deal, but it will not take my life.
Today I baked cupcakes. I love baking. If you follow the directions, you will always come up with something fantastic that puts a smile on people's faces. I take my analogy of baking and use it towards my health. If I follow the directions to the best of my ability, the outcome will be amazing and will put a smile on my face and the people I choose to surround myself with.
Sure I am scared. Don't get me wrong. But I am looking forward to ringing the bell after I complete that last treatment next friday. I am looking forward to the future. Sure I might now have to see a Radiation Oncologist along with my Neurosurgeon for the rest of my life, but what other options do I have. I have received some letters and cards this last week. I thank everyone for their kind words and support through all of this. Your words and actions of sending out cards, keep me strong, keep me positive, and help remind me that it is all going to be okay. It is the simple things that can change a day, so thank you!
I start treatment Monday. My paperwork for work is in. Child care for treatment times set up and rides to treatments arranged. Now I just have to do it! Wish me luck! 2 more days till treatment time.
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