Feelin' Lucky

Luck varies. This is the first thing that is mentioned when google search "luck". Even its definition can change based on philosophy,  religion, ethnicity, ect.. I personally agree with the definition of luck as being "events that influence one's life and are seemingly beyond one's control".  My luck these last couple of weeks have been below desirable. Who ever came up with that whole things happen in sets of three, I wouldn't mind punching. The thing is though, I do believe that all things happen to us for a reason. I do not sit there and dwell on the bad things that happen to me because shit things can always be worse. And I do truly believe that. I could have died during surgery. I could have found out about this tumor early in my pregnancy and had to have to make a decision that would require me to question myself everyday. When my car died on the highway, it was the weekend, I was able to make it over to the shoulder without getting in a bad car accident. With my phone, shit at least the one and half days I went without one my car decided to still run good.
Tomorrow is my big radiation oncology appointment. First off, you get good parking. I know that would not be a positive thing most people think about but.....heck yes I will take that. The thing is though, patients get really good parking for radiation oncology because they are really sick. I have no symptoms from this tumor growing. I feel perfectly fine. It is such a emotional roller coaster to be going into a appointment because in all reality, I guess I am sick. I have a tumor growing in my head. I fear these treatments because they will probably make me feel sick and I have very high anxiety of my previous symptoms before surgery returning. I hated the tingling all over my face, the inability to chew food on my right side of my mouth, the eye drops/gels, drinking water and having it come out the right side of my mouth, and plan old just looking in the mirror and not recognizing my own face.
I know I am lucky. I have a good support system. I tackled a huge ass tumor and came out smiling. I have a excellent medical team. Everyday I take care of patients, I am able to give hope. No one talks about the positive outcomes or has internet sites dedicated to successful stories. I am a positive story. This radiation my be a set back but it was always in my original neurosurgeon's plan. I knew this possibility existed since waking up in the ICU.  At the end of the day luck is in the eye of the beholder. Luck defines the events that influence ones life but it is my life and I will take from it what I want. And at the end of the day I still feel lucky.