The five stages of grief are the emotional stages that one experiences when faced with death or extremely awful fate. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I always think of this episode of Robot Chicken I saw, where this giraffe is stuck in a tar pit. I somewhat relate to this giraffe. I am now in the stage of acceptance. I am happy to say.
I was reading my information from my doctor's office, a pamphlet "Understanding Radiation Therapy- A Guide for Patients and Families". The first sentence in this book is "You've been told you have cancer." Okay.....wait a minute.....I don't have cancer. But the reality of the situation is most people that undergo Radiation Therapy have cancer. The typical treatment plan for radiation is 3-6 weeks, 5 days a week. Mine is only 1 week, for 5 days in a row. All the information I am given about radiation all say things like "to prevent or stop cancer to spread", "lessen the chance the cancer may come back" At the end of day. Things could always be worse. Most of the people I am sitting with in the waiting room are facing cancer that if they don't stop, it is a life or death situation. My tumor is not going to kill me. It may damage my face, which is a HUGE deal, but it will not take my life.
Today I baked cupcakes. I love baking. If you follow the directions, you will always come up with something fantastic that puts a smile on people's faces. I take my analogy of baking and use it towards my health. If I follow the directions to the best of my ability, the outcome will be amazing and will put a smile on my face and the people I choose to surround myself with.
Sure I am scared. Don't get me wrong. But I am looking forward to ringing the bell after I complete that last treatment next friday. I am looking forward to the future. Sure I might now have to see a Radiation Oncologist along with my Neurosurgeon for the rest of my life, but what other options do I have. I have received some letters and cards this last week. I thank everyone for their kind words and support through all of this. Your words and actions of sending out cards, keep me strong, keep me positive, and help remind me that it is all going to be okay. It is the simple things that can change a day, so thank you!
I start treatment Monday. My paperwork for work is in. Child care for treatment times set up and rides to treatments arranged. Now I just have to do it! Wish me luck! 2 more days till treatment time.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
2 More Weekends. 1 and Half More Weeks
The anticipation. The constant feeling, touching and looking at my face. "Is it drooping?" "Is it tingling?" "Do both sides feel the same?" "Please God don't grow and push against something in this short little time I wait to begin radiation." The jokes. The feelings of this is all going to be okay. The countdown. The anticipation.
These are just a few of the thoughts that conquer my thought process everyday. The wait to begin a procedure or have a surgery is just taxing on someone. You just want to get it over with. Feel normal again. My husband has played this game before with me. And you can tell. The minute I begin touching my face. He stops everything looks at me and says "Honey it is going to be okay. We are almost there." Today on Valentine's Day I am so happy to have him and celebrate with him. It makes me forget the sickness, the fear and the anticipation.
I got a letter the other day that was just kind of like a slap in the face. You have been denied life insurance due to.....acoustic neuroma. No matter how much better I feel or how long the beast lays dormant in life, I will never qualify for a life insurance policy that requires a medical background check. This broke my spirit just reading it. I am 29. If something happens to me, my husband and daughter will not be left with much. And no matter how healthy or what ever good news I receive in the future, I will always be too sick and risky for life insurance. Talk about something I never would have dreamed about having to face before I am thirty.
I have 2 more weekends. One and a half more weeks till treatment time.
Hold your loved ones close today. You never know how fast something can change and alter your path in life. You forget how much the little things matter.
These are just a few of the thoughts that conquer my thought process everyday. The wait to begin a procedure or have a surgery is just taxing on someone. You just want to get it over with. Feel normal again. My husband has played this game before with me. And you can tell. The minute I begin touching my face. He stops everything looks at me and says "Honey it is going to be okay. We are almost there." Today on Valentine's Day I am so happy to have him and celebrate with him. It makes me forget the sickness, the fear and the anticipation.
I got a letter the other day that was just kind of like a slap in the face. You have been denied life insurance due to.....acoustic neuroma. No matter how much better I feel or how long the beast lays dormant in life, I will never qualify for a life insurance policy that requires a medical background check. This broke my spirit just reading it. I am 29. If something happens to me, my husband and daughter will not be left with much. And no matter how healthy or what ever good news I receive in the future, I will always be too sick and risky for life insurance. Talk about something I never would have dreamed about having to face before I am thirty.
I have 2 more weekends. One and a half more weeks till treatment time.
Hold your loved ones close today. You never know how fast something can change and alter your path in life. You forget how much the little things matter.
 |
| My amazing mask for radiation |
 |
| It was hot plastic that they lay on your face and you have to stay still for 25 minutes while it sets. I wish this process upon no one. |
 |
| Autumn's Valentine's Day gifts to her Grandmas |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)