Here I Go Again

The last 5 months have flown by and now it is time for Earl's eviction. I am having my second craniotomy but this time they are using a  translabyrinthine approach. Which is a really large word to describe they are drilling a hole in the thickest part of my skull behind my right ear. By doing this they will have a better view of my facial nerve when trying to evacuate Earl. Then they will steal some fat from my belly to plug that hole. After that they will place a metal plate over the area and as my ENT doctor said "baseball stitch" me up. 

My 2nd attempt to stop. Stereotactic Radiosurgery. The radiation

Good news is they cut my vestibular nerve last time. I had no meaningful hearing in that ear and it actually made hearing more difficult when it was whole. So how is that good? My body has already compensated for the loss of hearing in that ear. Our hearing does way more for our balance than you would imagine. I have come a long way in my compensation for my hearing loss to the point where many of my coworkers did not realize I was deaf on the right side. My recovery from this surgery should be easier due to the fact that I have been living without my hearing on that side for almost 6 years. 

Returning home after 1st surgery. I lost my ability to use my right arm cause a butterfly need was left under me for 12 hours compressing my brachial nerve. It came back after a month :)

So as White Snake said it best....Here I go again. Sometime today between 2pm and 4pm they will call me and tell me what time to be at the hospital tomorrow. I cheated and know my surgery is scheduled for 0800, first case, and the approximate O.R. time is 515 minutes, which is about 8.5 hours. To put into perspective my last surgery was about 12 hours long.  Since this is my second rodeo I already kind of know the drill. I will check in. Then go back to central and get little lifesaver looking probes clued all over my head. After that I will go for a short MRI to map my head. Then go back to central where they will give me some happy meds to make me calm. There is a weird since of relaxation when having a little bit of foresight to how things may go.

I have a harder time with processing the fact that Earl is growing this time. Mainly because I feel fine. I understand though that currently Earl is growing right into my brainstem. My life source. It is easier for the doctors to ensure my safety and well being operating on him while he is smaller. 

So today is my last day before D day. I am going to wash my hair multiple times with my nice Kenra shampoo that I love. I know I will have to use baby shampoo for 3 months and that sucks. I am going to put on my makeup and smile. I fear losing my smile. And I am not going to waste one day I have that I am able to. My husband said it best during one of my anxiety attacks....there is no point in worrying about what you can not control. What is the point of fighting so much for your ability to move your face if you can not enjoy every minute that you have it? I am going to carry and hug and my dachshunds, Jack and Dani. I will have a 10lb lift limit for awhile and Jack is a little over that :). And one of the things I am going to miss the most is....I am going to carry my daughter to her bed after story time tonight. One thing Earl has done, is help me realize the important little things in life. The things we take for granted everyday. 

So thank you all for your love and support. Send me a prayer tomorrow and some positive vibes. And smile cause you can! 

#thirdtimesacharm

As many of you may already know my battle with my tumor is far from over. I am one of the unlucky 10% that radiation treatment did not result in tumor control, meaning my tumor is still growing. So it is easier for me to write all this information down and just share it with everyone. So it make things easier to follow I will start from the beginning.
My tumor is a acoustic neuroma. Another name for it is a vestibular schawannoma. It is formed from a mutation of the myelin sheath around the vestibular (hearing) nerve. My first symptom of this tumor, who is named Earl, was losing my hearing on that right side back when I was still in the first trimester, pregnant with Autumn. Things developed over the course of my pregnancy. I experienced facial numbness, right sided facial weakness, dry eye on the right, inability to feel my tongue or teeth on the right, and eventually vertigo. The vertigo I experienced was like being drunk and having the room spins.
I had Earl surgically resected in November of  2011. Earl was big. I don't remember his exact dimensions but he was over 4 cm. Now my mom likes to ask me about the hormones so I am going to clarify something. My pregnancy did not create Earl. I already had Earl. My pregnancy DID HELP speed up his growth but he would have grown with or without being pregnant just probably at a slower speed.

Earl in October of 2011 prior to surgery

Two pieces of Earl were left behind that were stuck to my facial nerve. To preserve my facial nerve and improve my quality of life these pieces were intentionally left. It is horrible to have no feeling in your face. Your eye feels like it is constantly burning. After surgery all the things I described earlier got better. My biggest fear is having to experience those symptoms again.

Earl in January 2012

After surgery growth was seen from the beginning but if it is less than 1mm it is hard for them to tell if it a marginal error or difference in MRI machines slicing of the image. Therefore time was needed to see if Earl was in fact growing. In January 2014 I was given the option of having another brain surgery or trying stereotactic radiosurgery (the radiation). The radiation is far less invasive and has a success rate of 90% so I thought heck yes! Surgery is rough. But my radiation did not stop Earl.

Left is January 2014 prior to radiation. Right is last week March 2017

So here I go again. There are 3 treatment options for acoustic neuromas: observe, brain surgery, or radiation.Radiation did not control Earl so my only option is to have surgery.....again. I met with my neurosurgeon and they informed me they will do everything in their power to preserve my facial nerve, which means so much to me! I will meet with ENT here shortly to discuss my coming up surgery. I have some factors such as scar tissue and radiated tissue that make my case a bit more complex but I have faith that it will all be okay. 

I have my bad days and my good days. My husband, my rock, my support is absolutely amazing at calming my anxiety and helping me look for the glass half full. I may have to have more brain surgeries than the average person..... but I have to look at the positive and I have to smile at my beautiful daughter. What is the point of fighting so hard to protect a facial nerve if you do not enjoy the days you have with a functioning one? My neurosurgeon told me, "You can live a quality life and perform your daily activities with a tumor in your head. You have been doing that for 6 years. You will continue to do that."